Am I really emotionally available when I move toward him in that way — or am I just discharging energy from my day? Anger can manifest from an inner world of hurt and pain that never got dealt with. But one thing is for sure, being monitored and having our behavior scrutinized and our level of availability constantly assessed and criticized is hardly inviting of intimacy or closeness. Our need for our partner to be emotionally available to us settles down markedly and we become capable of bringing a full self to our relationship encounters. Can you accept a lack of emotional intimacy in your relationship or is this necessary for you? Anna is interested in people, mind-body healing, spirituality, relationships, families and communities.
Anna is interested in people, mind-body healing, spirituality, relationships, families and communities. When we quit blaming the people we love for what we are experiencing and begin to acknowledge the back and forth, reciprocal interplay of our relationships, in a completely blameless way, adult relationships become possible. Anger can also serve as a way to mask the pain and vulnerability that lurk beneath the surface. He focuses on himself and his needs and sees the relationship as something to serve him. Is He Emotionally Unavailable? I remember being utterly convinced of it. It depends on the reciprocal process that develops between us. What they often miss is that the behaviors they are observing do not occur in a vacuum. This is the power of working with relationship phenomena systemically. Basically, an emotionally unavailable guy will try to avoid emotional situations at all costs. Can you accept a lack of emotional intimacy in your relationship or is this necessary for you? Am I really emotionally available when I move toward him in that way — or am I just discharging energy from my day? This conscious attending to our part in the dance can be done from either side of the closeness-distance, pursuit-withdrawal reciprocity. If the answer is truly yes, then by all means, stick it out. This is what causes us to grow and is the reason relationships can be such transformative experiences. Wonderfully, when I become focused on the degree to which I am in relationship with myself, my needs are much more met in my own self-process, and when I do choose to move towards my husband I am significantly less needy and overwhelming, and he is naturally more receptive to connection, and has less need to chronically distance. What so often gets missed is the reciprocal nature of the relationship between partners. What happens if I manage my intensity and my need more thoughtfully, act with more self-responsibility, parent myself, practice a little containment, patience and maturity? A guy who is emotionally unavailable will squirm and do whatever he can to avoid such conversations at all costs. But one thing is for sure, being monitored and having our behavior scrutinized and our level of availability constantly assessed and criticized is hardly inviting of intimacy or closeness. If a guy is emotionally unavailable, it means he has a big wall up and is holding back from showing you his true self. One of the many gifts of no longer kidding yourself that it is your partner that is emotionally unavailable, is the opportunity to begin to be emotionally available to ourselves, to identify and give ourselves what we need and hunger for, to define and live by our own values and principles, and to become our own loving parent. When someone is emotionally unavailable, they lack empathy for their partner. To find out exactly what to do in this situation to create safe intimacy and get things back on track, read this next: You may notice he starts to pull away and withdraw emotionally.
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